Blessed..... then double blessed

Well everyone, I went to see how many embryos implanted.. So how many??  Two!!! I have never been so happy and so terrified at the same time. God has answered our prayers and gave us a little extra. This week, I go back in to see the babies heart beats!! It's amazing how fast they grow. Today I am 6 weeks and 3 days pregnant. My due date is June 15th. It would be neat to have another June birthday(TJ, Chase, and Herbs are all in June) but they may come at the end of May since there are twins.

So keep us in your prayers because there is still a chance of losing one or both of them.

This is our Twins' first photo :)

Update

Today, I had more blood work. And everything looks good!!!! So I go back on the 8th and that will be my official pregnancy test. I am so thankful that God has blessed me with this gift. Only through his grace is this possible. So pray for us as we continue our journey.

Results!!!

I am PREGNANT!!!! I am so excited. It really started off to be a rough day but then I got the news that I am officially pregnant and all my worries when away. The morning started with a lab tech that could draw my blood. She poked me six times but I was determined to get my blood work done. So after six times I had to go to a different place but it was all worth it to hear those words.

I made It!!

I made it through the transfer!!! We transferred 2 embryos and they froze 2. Then I had 3 days of bedrest. I had to be laying down for 45 mins out of every hour. I thought I was going insane if I wasn't already. I watched lots of TV and read a little. It doesn't sound that bad but there is something about being told you can't get up that just makes you want to. Kind of like, you can't eat or drink anything before a procedure and that is the day that you starve because you can't.

Well enough of my rant, October 8th is the official word if  i'm pregnant or not so keep your fingers crossed for me

Trying Times

I haven't heard anything from the doctor today, I assume my last  embryo didn't make it. I feel so torn with a lot of different emotions. I feel like a shell I'm here on the outside but I'm empty on the inside. I have this huge hole of the lose I feel for not being able to make a baby, which is something we are just suppose to be able to do as women. When did nature become so hard?

Today, I was thinking about when I had cancer and how much that was to go through. TJ thinks that I was so strong to go through all that but I didn't feel strong. I felt like I was going through the motions but there was a certain amount of numbness. I was thinking about how the bible says, God doesn't give you more than you can handle. Maybe this is how God helps us through the trying time. Even if we don't feel strong enough or just feel empty inside, we find a way to put one foot in front of the other and eventually the trail passes.

When you fall, you will get back up

Today was suppose to be the day of my dreams. The day I got pregnant!! I was going in for my embryo transfer (which I had 2 of my own). The doctor's office called before I left for my appointment, not a good sign. The nurse told me I wasn't going to have my transfer today and that Dr. Shapiro will be calling with the details. Why?? Why would you call and then not tell me why. It was a blow I never saw coming, not today anyway. Dr. Shapiro called a few minutes later and told me that one embryo died and the other didn't look normal but that he would wait until tomorrow to see if the one would be ok. TJ was so wonderful. He was there for me and supportive. He is definitely my rock!! This is a down day for me but I will pick myself back up again!! The nice thing is I know I'm not alone and I have a wonderful husband, son, and family. I am truly blessed!! Today was just a reminder of the mountain I must climb.

Ready for the Second Half of the Race

I have 2  embryos frozen and waiting for me to be ready for the transfer. I first had to wait for my menstrual cycle so I could start the second part, which is getting ready for the transfer. So I started my period on Monday (I've never been so excited to see my period come)!! So, tomorrow I go to the doctor to get my first ultrasound and blood test and if everything looks ok then I will start meds that night. Right now, my estimated embryo transfer will be Sept 1st.

I'm really excited and nervous at the same time. I feel like this has truly been a roller coaster and I'm not ever finished yet. We have one shot at using my eggs and I'm terrified that mine won't make it. It's hard for me because I feel out of control. I can not will them to work. I'm a little bit of  a control freak....just a little! I know it's in God's hands and I'm trying to find comfort in that.

Another Day

I started this blog to share what we are going through to continue our family. Now, I feel like I want to hide from my blog and everyone else and myself if I'm being totally honest. So today, the doctor called to tell me we are down to 4 embryos and they aren't quiet big enough to freeze so we are in for another day of waiting to see what happens.... I feel scared because the number keeps reducing and soon I won't have any left. This is my chance to have my eggs work and if they don't make it then it will hurt and I don't know how to prepare myself for the let down.

Eggs, Eggs, Eggs

I had my procedure on Thursday. They took out 16 eggs and 9 of them fertilized!! So it's looking pretty good that mine might make it and we can try to get pregnant with my own eggs. I'm nervous about getting my hopes up so I feel like I'm extra negative. Well.....
maybe not negative but people seem to think it's going great so I point out the down falls and point out that we aren't out of the woods yet.

So it's been 3 days now, and we have 7 embryos that are still developing, still not getting my hopes up but starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. 4 of them are 10 cells and 3 of them are 8 cells. I've been super sore. I feel like I'm 9 months pregnant and I look probably 3 months along. Grrr.... I've been having trouble getting comfortable at night. Last night, I was so uncomfortable that I put a pillow between my legs.... I know that is what pregnant people have to go when they are super pregnant. I guess, I'm getting extra practice at being pregnant.

Here we go!!

Tomorrow is my egg retrieval!! Yeah!! I'm nervous and excited at the same time. I did find out that we had 12 embryos that they froze from our donor!! I should of had a cheaper by the dozen dream last night but I didn't . So I am extremely hopeful that this is going to work and we will be parents to another child.

So keep your fingers crossed and us in your prayers!!

When Nature Calls

Today, We had a great day in nature!! It was a good day to get away from our worries, well mine anyway. TJ is always thinking of ten things all at once so it may have helped him think about only 5 things during our hike at Mt Charleston.

Tomorrow, the donor is getting her egg retrieval done so TJ will have to go give a sample.
It is weird, there is nothing for me to do yet. I feel kind of left out of this part of the process.
But, I know I shouldn't feel that way!!

Donor Update

The Donor went to the doctor yesterday and everything is going very well. She has "23" growing follicles!!! She goes back tomorrow and then we will find out if she will have the egg retrieval on Sunday or if it will get postponed a day or two. 

The donor is our back up plan in case my eggs are no good again. Everything is moving pretty quickly, yet not quick enough. I'm trying not to get too excited but it seems impossible. How do you not get your hopes up or not plan ahead? 

A Gruver Adventure

We decided to go to the beach this past weekend to get away from the heat. So we left town after I got off work on Friday(not until 6pm). Friday was also the day we had to start my shots so we had to do them in the car on the way down there. It made it interesting to say the least. I had a little(TJ would probably call it more than a little) melt down because I was scared to give it to myself and TJ wanted to do it from the driver's seat which scared me even more. I pulled myself together and did it myself. YEAH!!! Afterwards I felt kind of silly because it really wasn't that bad.

Then the adventure continued when we went to breakfast the next morning. We had a lovely breakfast in Dana Point at a local cafe. Afterwards we were headed to the beach but our car had other plans and decided it didn't want to start. So we had to get a jump start from a tow truck and then head to Autozone to get a new battery. The car broke down again two blocks from Autozone. Sometimes all you can do is laugh!!!

Hiccups in the Plan

So we found out that my thyroid is working too hard so I technically I have a hypothyroid. This was a small bump in the road but the doctor told us that we can't transfer the embryos in until we have the thyroid under control.

So of course, my mind is going a hundred miles in all different directions.
How long does that take? When can I get in to see the doctor? What does this mean?

So I call to make an appointment and they can't get me in until August 1st and I was told it will take 6 weeks to regulate my thyroid. GRRRR....

But I called daily and someone cancelled (Thank you God!) So now I'm on thyroid medicine and have an appointment in 6 weeks to make sure the medicine is working.
The doctor explained that if my thyroid isn't functioning it's best then it can cause miscarriages (don't want that) and the baby can have a lower IQ (don't want that either)!!
This is a pill I won't be forgetting.

On the IVF battlefront, I have received all medications and went to learn how to give myself shots. Which terrifies me! I know I can do it but I'm kind of nervous.

So I have stopped my birth control pill. The birth control was kind of keeping my body on hold until the doctor is ready to start controlling my body. The shots will start on Friday!!

Also, Our Donor (we call her Amanda) started her period so she is starting her medications and she will be getting her estimated egg retrieval on July 31st!!!!

Ready, Set, Go...

Ok, This is the start of my blogging days. I wanted to start this blog to be an outlet for me during my IVF journey. My husband (Thomas) is the Best and has always supported my "crazy" ideas. That's what he would call them anyway! He truly does support me though. I didn't know love could be so deep. In 2006, was the first time we went to the doctor to see why we weren't getting pregnant. The doctor told us we needed to do IVF. It was going to be super expensive. Thomas wanted to leave and discuss it before making a decision but they had said the magic word for me, which was.....Baby! So of course, we signed up that day. In Thomas' defense, love makes you do crazy things and some times you just love crazy. Well, it didn't work and we could only afford that one cycle at the time. It was devastating. I felt robbed and emotionally drained.

Fast forward 5 years and I'm ready to try again. I'm very hopeful. We did more research this time and didn't let our emotions lead the decision.....ok, my emotions. At least, I'm learning from my mistakes! The first time we did IVF they said my eggs were a poor quality, which we found out my be a result of going through chemo. So this time we are going for broke!! We are going to do an IVF cycle on a donor and me then see what happens.

So I have the medication on it's way. Next week, our new doctor is going to show us how to do the shots! They found out that my thyroid is high so I have to go see a different doctor is get that under control before they will transfer any embryos. But the bright side is that we still can harvest my eggs and see if they are any good this time. So keep your fingers crossed!! We have a top notch doctor and I have a top notch husband.

I'm sure there will be many bends in the road but I know i'm on the road for the long haul!! And my hubby is too, he wouldn't know what to do with normal ;)